Mike Rodgers Helping Or Hurting Your Youth Wrestler

The best book that I recommend to my parents is Cesar's Way. Read this one first and then Outliers. While you're reading these keep asking yourself what kind of kid wants to do something that isn't fun...today? For most kids the future is this coming weekend. Get them ready for the weekend and then it's your job to make sure they're having a good time, win or lose. I once had a coach ask me (many years later) why we (the kids and parents) were doing an "End-Zone" dance after losing a match 20-5. I asked him if he remembered how we got the 5 points. He gave me a blank stare. I told him we were celebrating because according to our way of thinking our kid won that match because our kid hit his mark. He was a 1st year wrestler going up against someone who'd been wrestling since 5 and was a state champ several times over...and he threw the state champ on his back. Couldn't hold him or put him away, but he was thrilled and really encouraged that his "stuff" was good-enough to pull that off. I never BS the kids. They've all heard the Pop-Warner speaches a hundred times. I told him he was going to get worked...BUT...if you can get him on his back we'll all go to pizza after the tournament. Pizza points work and getting to be the guy that decides what pizza is going to be ordered, and being the guy that everyone has to wait for...to take the first bite...and being the guy that gets to ride shotgun...not because you won, but because you hit your mark...something everyone has a shot at...gives everyone something to shoot for...something to look forward to...something to work towards...something that reinforces the losing-is-learning rule, because you're going to lose a lot your 1st couple of years in this sport.

Just so people are clear, when asked about this topic I give my thoughts and feelings based on my own personal experiences. In no way do I pretend to have all the answers just because I have two youth wrestlers of my own and help out with a youth club (Mat-Town USA). To address Clarence Watkins, I do believe that their are different levels of intensity and interest even at the youth level. I also believe some kids have a stronger desire to push themselves in the sport than others and that should be very closely monitored. If you listened to what I had to say, it had nothing to do with the KIDS it has to do with parent and/or coaches putting too much emotion on WINS and LOSSES and not providing a positive environment to grow. I would think you would have to agree that even the most self-motivated kid will have a more positive development in the sport if they feel that they can make mistakes without the pressure of their parent/coach going on a verbal and yes sometimes physical rampage with them. So I hope you understand my focus was on the parents/coaches and not the kids.

I have two sons that wrestle. Both love the sport but each one has a different level of interest and desire. My 7 year old would wrestle everyday and go to every competition if I let him. My 5 year old likes to wrestle but has a different level of interest and likes to do other things. I have to handle their development differently but I make sure I put no pressure on them to win; I focus on skill development. When they come off the mat they get a hug and “great job” whether they win or lose. We talk about what they could have done differently and work on those things for next time.
Now please understand I’m not an advocate of the idea that “everyone wins” and nobody “loses” and whatever a kids does is “OK”. I think wrestling is a great life sport and someone is going to win and someone is going to lose and that is OK. What is not OK, in my opinion, is if a kid loses and then throws a fit or the parent/coaches throw a fit. Address the problem and work on it to improve on it. But if the kid feels that in order to make mom and dad or coach happy they have to win, then those kids are going to have a hard time making it though the sport of wrestling.

Trey looks like a very good athlete. He seems like he enjoys the sport and has very good technique. I could show you video after video of parents/coaches showing what we don’t want in this sport. If you have not seen the behavior I talked about in my interview yourself then I encourage you to take a look at any number of videos on the web that show what I’m talking about. It’s heart breaking to see it happen. Wrestling is a wonderful sport for parents and their children to build great relationships. Let’s keep that as the goal for parents and coaches. Good luck to you and Trey and everyone out there in the sport!

Good stuff Mike. I added this video to our club's homepage.

You sir, are everything THAT is wrong with education. Put a proper sentence together, then you can talk.

I'm glad to see he is coaching at American, good guy and great coach. Great vid.

Ive seen it happen way too many times.
1. Elementary kids who are flat out nasty, unbeatable.
2. They go to Junior High and do good, but not quite as good as
Elementary, they may pick up a few losses.
3. They go to High School and they are on the same level as kids they use
to destroy.

They go to college and dont wrestle.

"I bet his kid isn't very good"

You sir, are everything is wrong with kids wrestling.

I bet he will be.

Great advice, as a parent of a kid who started in middle school and was pretty bad and now wrestling in the Big Ten its amazing how crazy I acted sometimes and it amazes me how my son didn't quit the sport early on. Once I figured it out it made things A LOT more fun and enjoyable.

I always say I'd trade 5 kid state titles for a high school state title or a great HS career.
Good stuff coach.

When I was seven I started bawling at a wrestling tournament. This guy came up to me and said it was ok, and tried to console me about losing my match. I told him I wasn't crying because I lost, I was crying because I was lost. I couldn't find my dad, turned out he left for a while between matches. I really could never understand kids that got upset about loses, but I think I understand parents who do. And it has nothing to do with any reasonable view of wrestling. It's similar to how kids say "my dad could beat your dad up" (or even better if they say "my dad could beat you up" and I have to laugh at that one.) or how war used to be fought by the single best man against the opponent's single best man. They are saving face by not putting themselves on the line but at the same time putting their pride on the line with something they can either more deeply associate with (that's my son) or can less deeply associate with (I have no son)