Wrestling Blogs - Jim Brown

A Wrestling Carol

Scene 1 Copperfield College wrestling coach, Bob Coachit, is working with his team on Christmas Eve. Tim Tinny, his 125 pounder, is leaning on crutches watching the practice (knee surgery). Enter athletic director Ebenezer Kilwrestling.

Kilwrestling: “Coach, can I see you in your office, please?”

Coachit: “Sure, boss, what’s up?”

Kilwrestling: “Let’s wait until we get in your office.”

They enter Coachit’s office and Kilwrestling closes the door.

Kilwrestling: “Bob, I’ve come to a decision – what with proportionality, APR and budget cuts – we’re going to have to drop the wrestling team after this season.”

Coachit: “I don’t understand. We just added women’s swimming, our team GPA ranks fifth among all NCAA schools and Claus Alumnus just gave the athletic department $30 million.”

Kilwrestling: “Never mind all of that. Wrestling has become irrelevant in today’s society. After this season you’re out of a job and those guys either give up the sport or they go to school somewhere else. By the way – have you seen the plans for my new office?”

Scene 2 Later that evening AD Kilwrestling is asleep. His window flies open and a cold wind howls through the room. Enter the ghost of Red Gallagher.

Ghost RG: “Ebenezer… Ebenezer Kilwrestling”

Kilwrestling awakens with a start.

Kilwrestling: “Who’s there?”

Ghost RG: “Don’t you recognize me Ebenezer? It’s your old colleague Red Gallagher.”

Kilwrestling: “It can’t be you – you’re dead. What are you doing here?”

Ghost RG: “That’s right Ebenezer. I’m dead. I’m here because I can’t accept what you’re doing to wrestling. Tonight we’ll show you the error of your ways.”

Kilwrestling: “We – who’s we?”

Ghost RG: “Tonight you’ll be visited by three other ghosts – the ghost of wrestling past, the ghost of wrestling present and the ghost of wrestling future. Take heed, Ebenezer, take heed.”

The ghost of Red Gallagher fades away.

Kilwrestling: “What a bizarre dream. I don’t believe any of it. Wrestling – bah, humbug!”

Kilwrestling goes back to sleep.

Scene 3 Kilwrestling is once again startled awake as a beautiful apparition stands at the foot of his bed. It is the ghost of wrestling past.

Kilwrestling: “What – who are you?”

Ghost 2: “I’m the ghost of wrestling past. I’m here to show you what once was”

Kilwrestling: “I was there – you don’t have to show me.”

Ghost 2: “Really, Ebenezer – do you remember? When you got your first job in 1979 there were over 400 college wrestling teams. Now there are a little over 200. Do you really remember?”

They suddenly appear at the 1975 NCAA finals.





Kilwrestling: “I remember them – they wrestled back when I was still in college. Chuck Yagla and Lee Kemp – what a couple of great wrestlers. Those were fun years.”

Ghost 2: “They were, weren’t they?”

Scene 4 Suddenly Kilwrestling finds himself back in his bed.

Kilwrestling: “This dream just keeps stranger and stranger.”

Kilwrestling dozes off, but is startled awake again. Enter the ghost of wrestling present.



Kilwrestling: “Who are you?”

Gable: “I’m Dan Gable, you moron – but I’m here as the ghost of wrestling present. I’m here to show you what your idiotic decision has done.”
They fade to the Copperfield College wrestling room.

Coachit: “Fellas, I’ve got bad news. AD Kilwrestling has decided to eliminate our wrestling team.”

Tim Tinny: “Coach, what are we gonna do?”

Coachit: “We’re gonna fight! Danielle Helpus is going to design a website like she did for Oregon (www.saveoregonwrestling.com) and like the one for Eastern Illinois University (www.saveeiuwrestling.com). We’re going to reach out to the alums and the wrestling community for support. I just wish AD Kilwrestling had been more proactive about promoting our meets.”

Tim Tinny: “Do you think we’ll win?”

Coachit: “The odds are against us – but we’re wrestlers – we won’t go down without a fight.”

Tim Tinny: “But Coach – if we lose – what happens to us?”

Coachit: “The NCAA will allow you to transfer and not sit out a year. If you want to stay here at Copperfield, you’ll have to give up wrestling.”

Tim Tinny: “Coach, I’m on a half-tuition scholarship. Without it, I couldn’t go to school. I’m afraid that after my knee surgery schools are going to be reluctant to offer me any help.”

Coachit: “Tim – I’ll do the best I can, but I can’t make any promises.”

Tim Tinny: “Coach, I want to be the first college graduate in my family and I’ve worked my tail off to get this far. I don’t know what I’ll do if I can’t get another scholarship.”

Gable: “Do you see what you’re doing to these kids?”

Kilwrestling: “It just can’t be helped.”

Out of frustration, Gable slaps a couple of arm bars on Kilwrestling, but then fades away.

Scene 5 Kilwrestling awakens.

Kilwrestling: “Man this dream sucks! Why do my shoulders hurt do much?”

Suddenly a new apparition flies through Kilwrestling’s window. Enter the ghost of wrestling future.



Kilwrestling: “Yeah, yeah, yeah – I’ll bet you’re here to show me what’s going to happen to wrestling in the future. Well, college wrestling will be just fine. It’s been a part of education for over 2,500 years. In fact, Socrates once said, ‘An outstanding runner cannot be the equal of an average wrestler’”.

Ghost of WF: “Are you sure, Ebenezer – are you sure? Come with me.”

Sandy S: “Welcome to the McDonnell Douglas Intergalactic Arena in St Louis, MO for the 2050 NCAA wrestling championships. Welcome to the world’s oldest and greatest sport.”

Kilwrestling: “See – everything’s just fine ……. why are there only five teams listed on the scoreboard?”

Ghost of WF: “Only Iowa, Iowa State, Oklahoma State, Minnesota and Penn State still have wrestling teams.”

Kilwrestling: “Well – these are just the Division I championships. I’m sure that DII and DIII are just fine.”

Ghost of WF: “No, Ebenezer, without money from big time football and basketball, and with athletic directors like you – all of those programs disappeared.”

Kilwrestling: “I’ll bet women’s wrestling has replaced the men’s teams.”

Ghost of WF: “No, Ebenezer, once ADs like you saw that eliminating the men’s teams was so easy, they had no interest in promoting women’s wrestling as an emerging sport.”

Kilwrestling: “What does it really matter? High school wrestling is probably still flourishing.”

Ghost of WF: “How could it, Ebenezer? With fewer and fewer college teams, the supply of potential high school coaches is drying up. You did an excellent job of killing the sport.”

Kilwrestling: “Wait a minute – I never meant to take wrestling away from all of the kids in America. Dropping the team just seemed like an easy answer to my problems. I didn’t mean to ruin the sport.”

Ghost of WF: “There’s one more thing you need to see.”

Cut to the home of Tim Tinny. Tim is rocking a grandson on his knee.

Grandson: “What are these pictures, Grandpa?”

Tim Tinny: “That was me when I wrestled at Copperfield College.”

Grandson: “I didn’t know you went to college”.

Tim Tinny: “Only for two years. Then Copperfield dropped wrestling and I lost my scholarship. I couldn’t afford to continue.”

Grandson: “What were you studying?”

Tim Tinny: “Plant genetics. My hero was the Nobel laureate Norman Borlaug. He was a high school and college wrestler who went on to save millions of people from starvation throughout the world.”

Grandson: “Grandpa, can you and I wrestle again?”

Tim Tinny: “Sure, let me show you how to sit out.”

The ghost of wrestling future begins to fade away.

Ghost of WF: “Take heed, Ebenezer, take heed.”

Scene 6 Kilwrestling awakens. The sun is up. He goes to his window and the Copperfield wrestlers are running by. He throws open the window.

Kilwrestling: “Isn’t it Christmas Day? What are you guys doing out running this morning?”

Wrestler 1: “Midlands are in 4 days and we need to be in shape.”

Kilwrestling: “I need you to run over to Bob Coachit’s house and tell him I need to see him as soon as possible.”

Bob Coachit and Tim Tinny arrive at Kilwrestling’s home.

Kilwrestling: “Bob, I was wrong – we’re not going to drop the team. In fact – we’re going to be much more aggressive and smarter about promoting the team. We’re going to get fans in the seats. I’m going to talk alumni into specifically supporting wrestling. We’re going to add a women’s team because the NCAA won’t recognize women’s wrestling as an emerging sport until more schools have teams. We’re going schedule new teams like Grandview College in Des Moines, because the more exposure they get the stronger they will be. Bob, we’re going to be leaders.”

Tim Tinny: “Merry Christmas to all. Let’s wrestle.