Wrestling Blogs - Jim Harshaw

I find almost anyone who openly leans heavily left or right quite obnoxious. That goes to you posters of Bush and Obama.

obama would tell everyone he would win and everyone would believe him.... then he'd get teched.

That was the reply to comment #10

Wrong on the Jacob beat Jesus part. Technically, Jacob injury defaulted in overtime, so God won.

i literally laughed out loud to the david spade one

funny you said that i just read this mornings paper telling of his untimely death. seeing as how this is Celebrity Drop Dead Week I would suggest all those mentioend take a break so as not to apear in anymore news articles on that same note Michael Jackson would be known for two moves: Butt Drag abd the 5-on-2 ride

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! HOLY S H I T THAT IS GREAT!!! YOU SHOULD BE A COMEDIAN MY FRIEND.

if you might get offended, skip this comment.

Jesus wouldn't be any good as a wrestler, would get caught in a crucifix every match

Obama can perform well but requires continuous step by step prompting from his corner. In fact, he wares a bluetooth device in his headgear.

Sprawl, head up, back straight, inside the ankle, lift his elbow, circle...circle..circle
Doesn't make it through the first round because on the mat...you stand alone!

Megan Fox wins the whole thing because dudes just want her to lie on top of them.

haha clay !

Dicaprio all the way

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Obama does well on the big stage but is a little up-and-down during the regular season. Sounds like Ohio State national champ J Jaggers.

Biden just needs to not get pinned, loses 16-2, then claims the team won because of him and does TV interviews.
Gore can't wrestle. Too stiff.
Jesus = Sanderson (nice guy, mostly quiet). Ditka = Gable (mean SOB). Butkus = Karelin.
Tiger Woods = Wade Schalles. Competitive and innovative. May start slow but sticks his opponent -- they know it's coming, but nobody can stop him. Intimidates everyone, though many won't admit it.
Roger Clemens transfers from another program, has to sit out the first semester, dominates for a while, then gets injured and struggles in the tournament.
Eliot Spitzer flagrantly cheats -- bites, scratches, pokes eyes, bends fingers, grabs below the belt -- and expects to get away with it. The one time he gets caught, he throws his headgear at the ref and gets suspended.
Mike Tyson muscles up his opponents, throws most to their backs, gets a lot of first period falls, but can't escape from the bottom and gets pinned at nationals.
Vince Vaughn can only play one role, like the HS wrestler who falls in love with the cement mixer. Has a good regular season but loses at regionals because everyone got used to his one trick.

Agreed! He's a wicked leg rider, rides like an animal, has an unstoppable High C or his snatch single. No one can keep him down, he's got an blast off stand up and his sig move is his overleg crossface into a cradle for the stick.

nice--- clay aiken gets pinned... alot

Clay aiken is a beast

The ignorance displayed below by VP duties is answered in a simple link that affirms that the 3rd grader response was 100% correct. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vice_President_of_the_United_States
I would also offer that all of our politicians make a living cmapaigning about things they know nothing about, both red and blue guys... chill, dude.

michael jackson would be smooth on his feet, but on top probably loves the ball and chain and crotch lifts ;)

awesome and spot on. hilarious

Palin is barred from competition when doctors discover she is mentally ed. Come on man. When she was asked what her foreign policy experience with Russia was she stated that Putin often flew over Alaska in his private jet. When she was asked by a third grader what the vice president does she said that he is basically in charge of the senate. Wow, Rick. It startles me that you would hold so much faith in a woman who is campaigning to be something she knows nothing about.

Who would win God or Ditka? Trick question: Ditka is God. Da bears da bears da bears.

bradd pitt plays Kendal Cross in the movie, and wrestles sammie henson played poorly by clooney.
Match is like Louden V. Chute in that the movie follows none of the real rules of wrestling and scoring.

Sean Penn talks a big game pre season and on JV, but gets his ass kicked in wrestle offs, then transfers to the other rival team across town and doesnt work hard. Maybe quits the team and plays soccer instead.

of course Palin would be the token girl wrestler that no one really wants to wrestle, and makes a name for herself by being a girl and beating some good guys. Does great and has potential, but not allowed to play at the highest level because the NCAA wont let her. Thanks Title IX.

McCain is the old guy on the squad, who joined the military out of high school, served his time, and then came back to college afterwards and tried to wrestle again, but is so old with injuries from the military that he is always in and out of the line-up. Usually losing and grinding through with a few wrapped up joints and unable to move so well, but always going out there trying. Everyone on the team knows he is going to lose most likely, but still supports him going out there and claps as he comes off the mat. With all the injuries and age, got 2 redshirt years and is a 6th year senior as the 34 year old guy on the team hanging with the younger bucks.

Biden is the assistant coach that Greg Warren described as always screwing up momentum with brainfart statements. http://www.flowrestling.org/videos/coverage/view_video/235171-greg-warren-comedian/188626-the-assisstant-coach-that-knows-knothing-about-wrestling

Wrestler Obama would be the guy with new, clean white wrestling shoes, socks pulled up high, likely with a stripe or two, expensive , flashy warm ups and singlet, walks around with big headphones on and carries a cd walkman/new ipod and makes a big show of warming up a lot and bouncing around the gym. Always looks cool and fashionable, perhaps even has a sweatband. Definitely has lycra kneepads so he doesnt get a little matburn. Has extra piece of foam taped to headgear not for cauliflower, but simply for the space needed to accommodate the ears. Always has a lot of people in the crowd cheering to support him, and dont clap for other victorious wrestlers in the gym.

Usually ducks the top seed in the tourn, or goes to selective tournaments depending on who else will be going. Will also duck people by switching weight classes if needed. Occasionally will do a few JV tournaments to get some hardware and gain experience. Gets hurt easily, calls a lot of injury time to catch his breath.

Cant really wrestle on his own, but through the match regularly needs to look to the side of the mat to listen to watch the coach is saying to get out of a move or how to finish a move. Fast out of the gate, but gasses after 1 period, and usually getting warned for stalling and fleeing the mat.

Good record, but a padded scheduled and ducked tournaments in a weak weight class - usually the tall lanky kid at 112 who gets a lot of forfeits. Always smiling because he is the one kid on the team who doesnt cut weight and is miserable from the extra work- but believes that everyone on the team should be sacrificing for the team and dropping down a weigh class. Rarely finishes a match against a tough kid without getting hurt or pinned, but when he wins against a mediocre kid in the quarters, make a big show of having his hand raised and smiles to his traveling cheering section of the crowd.

Usually the kid carried on a great team who loses, but takes part of the victory celebration and still talks a lot because he believes in spreading the wealth of the victory secured by the weight cutters so he can share in the team title earned. Smokes pot in the off season and after he gets knocked out of tournaments early.

Claim to fame is winning a big tournament title or state championship after the top 5 or six guys in the weight either missed weight, got the worm or the herp, another one or two had injury default, and the top kid got caught on his back and called with a quick pin, so he came away with a championship that is always linked to his name, but everyone knows he never would have made it out of a different regional had he gone to a tougher school.

Jon Stewart vs. Stephen Colbert

Styles
Neutral:

Colbert jumps and dances all over the mat. Lots of pump fakes, stepping back to shake his arms out, and he will frequently stop and stick his leg out as bait. The only move he knows is a superduck.

Stewart has little offense. He lives off people's crotches. On occasion we'll see a double leg, but he will always get extended and never finish.

Top:

Colbert has a nasty crab ride, but unfortunately is unaware of the locking hands rule. He also has a leg cradle.

After his opponent shoots a hi-crotch, Stewart crotch locks, sits the corner, and throws both legs in where he almost always gets high and his opponents come out the back door. He also has a suicide cradle.

Bottom:

Colbert: Granbys
Stewart: Par terre stance

Moses gets cautioned for bringing his staff on the mat. He then hands it to Aaron in the corner. Initially he seems over matched but every time he takes a shot Aaron raises the staff and his opponenets arms part like the Red Sea. He is ahead when he gets a little cocky and pounds his own chest. On his next shot Aaron forgets to raise the staff and Moses gets caught in a front head lock and choked out.

Bill Gates: Would come to the first practice wearing sneakers, he would then go out and buy a pair of all white asics. When he came out to shake hands he would get cautioned for not having his foot on the line, he would wrestle two matches and then quit.

I'm sitting in a saturday graduate class but I was smart enough to bring my computer, so I'm obviously on flo. My professor right now is named Bongrae Seok, I would say he would probably have a real sweet low leg single, but probably get out of position and give up too many points to get points, but be fun to watch.

This is great, you guys should hire Harshaw as a writer, he is the best.

Yeah I've seen the video. He puts him in a rear naked choke with the legs in as he's singing. I don't remember if it was a lat drop or a polish or a jap-wizzer though.

During a concert a fan tried to go on stage and hug Maynard. Maynard then lateral dropped him and threw in legs. then he continued to sing.

Jim Harshaw, I love it

low blow :(

low blow :(

low blow :(

I take Bonds the steriods have to kick in the last few min. and especially during overtime

Pee Wee Herman, Robin Williams, Tom Cruise and Maynard James Keenan would dominate. They were all wrestlers. Maynard James Keenan would win the whole thing.

HA! This is terrific. So true.

"George Bush would have his opponents' legs broken by a bruiseboy with a lead pipe before the match. He'd claim that this "shock and awe" tactic was used to thwart an illegal move the other wrestler was going to attempt during the match. Bush would say he was warned of the other wrestler's intentions by God himself. He'd then call Gandhi a p ussy and tell Clay Aiken that he doesn't have the right to get married to another man. After that he'd try to detract attention by the spectators away from his evil doings by calling attention to the fact that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Barry Bonds were on steroids."

Obama Would criticize his teammate that was wrestling before him because he didnt implement some nice sounding strategy which was highly unpractical when actually practiced. When it was his turn to wrestle he he would proceed to get his butt whooped by a guy like Jeff Jordan.

lol...lol Limbaugh fails drug test and gets DQ. Pelosi quits because she can't have a bias ref....lol...lol thats good

here we go
Batman vs robin........ 1st period, Robin lets Batman take him down and ride him out for the whole period, Robin gets called for stalling. 2nd period, robin chooses down and yet again lets Batman ride him out and gets called for stalling twice. 3rd period Batman chooses neutral and Robin lets him take him down and is letting Batman ride him out again Batman is getting very fustrated with Robin stalling the whole match and at the same time the ref is calling the 4th stalling call Batman pulls out his grappling hook and shoves it up Robins A**.......double DQ

Limbaugh can't wrestle he fails the drug test it becomes a double forefit when Pelosi refuses to go on the mat with a neutral referee.

Jesus of Nazareth vs. Ditka. A perfect battle of freedom vs. socialism. We all know who would come out on top. FREEDOM!

obama would be an awful wrestler... very similar to his presidency...

Bill O'Reilly- Will only wrestle a weaker opponent. Big dog is a lousy kennel.

Oh stop it you guys are killing me....lol...lol...lol great stuff guys. lets see what you have on this one

Rush Limbaugh vs Nancy Pelosi( speaker of the house)
Jesus wins it all hands down and gets MOW to boot.

O'Brian vs OBama
Two who are taking over for complete losers from the year before. Will end up being less interesting and watchable than the Bush vs Leno match from last year that many touted as the worst match of all time.

Naaa you missed by a mile
Obama is the guy that talks a great game looks and acts the part but ends up being the team manager because he refuses to sweat profusely.
.
George Bush is the guy on the team who everybody hates because he stinks literally and figuratively. He will win a few small insiginificant matches but can't seem to put it all together.

Al Gore gets beat and then complains that the time was not out when he should have been awarded an escape.
Arnold Schwartznager....Looks like Tarzan Wrestles like Jane
John McCain stays hurt. He spends most of his time trying to be buddies with everybody on the team but even his friends dont really like him.
Bill Clinton wrestles for the chicks....period
Joe Biden never finishes the move he started and usually ends up on his back or scrambling out of bounds.
Jesus? well lets remember technically he lost to Jacob.
Ron Paul....driven hard nosed and focused never gives up. Wears out practice partners daily and is a true gyn rat. However his style is so kooky that he has never won a match.

trick question ditka is jesus

shut up E J you

George Bush would have his opponents' legs broken by a bruiseboy with a lead pipe before the match. He'd claim that this "shock and awe" tactic was used to thwart an illegal move the other wrestler was going to attempt during the match. Bush would say he was warned of the other wrestler's intentions by God himself. He'd then call Gandhi a p ussy and tell Clay Aiken that he doesn't have the right to get married to another man. After that he'd try to detract attention by the spectators away from his evil doings by calling attention to the fact that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Barry Bonds were on steroids.

Cheny-Nice shot, bad aim. That's great stuff there

i think mike ditka with no prior wrestling exprience could probably wrestle greco for usa just cuz hes a that much of a bad ass

Obama would never wrestle, he plays B-ball and if he did wrestle it would be because someone told him it would make him seem like an average Joe. He would not be fundamentally sound or savvy; he would get double legged for days because he has no stance; gas out quickly 'cause he smokes, stall like a '67 Mustang with diesel in the tank, and blame his failure to qualify for regionals on the guys that graduated last year.

Conan dec. obama 5-3 takedown with 10 seconds left

arnold pins bonds 1:45 bonds got early takedown but arnold catches him in a headlock
Denzel major dec. gore 19-7 take down let him up for pretty much whole match but denzel used wrist tilt on top.
Crowe dec. mccnaughey 10-7 come from behind victory
DeNiro over Cheney fall :20 cheney takes a crappy shot and deniro hits a cement job for the quick pin
decaprio techs cowell 30-15 take down let him up with decaprio sick low single and simons horrible shot defense
ditka dec. jesus 1-0 utb ot this should of been a match in the alter rounds
Ghandi forfeit over aiken clay wanted to wrestle ruben studdard first match so he decided to forfeit

I George Bush wrestled he would talk big and do nothing. In fact, he would probably create one big mess for others to clean up.

I'll take Gandhi to win it all.